Merry Christmas Eve everyone! I was going to write a Christmas themed blog on Christmas day but I'll be in Lubbock so I scratched that idea and decided to do a Christmas Eve blog. To be honest I have absolutely nothing to write about the actual holiday of Christmas. Over the years it's lost it's meaning to me. I hear that once you have a family and kids you get some of the feelings you felt when you were a kid back but it will never be the same. This Christmas is gonna be weird with the dang temperatures still hitting in the 80s. I mean, come on! This is December! It's supposed to be freezing outside and yet it's shorts wearing weather. That's a big reason I don't feel very Christmasy (yep, I made up Christmasy). Maybe we'll get lucky and this rain will turn into ice or snow tomorrow...at least THEN it will feel like winter.
Over the years Christmas has become more about being around family than it has giving or getting gifts. My pockets aren't exactly overflowing with money I can spend to buy presents for family. I'm going to college though and I plan to graduate in around 3 years and then I'll finally (crosses fingers) find a job that will allow me to spoil my nieces and nephew on their birthdays and Christmas. Since I'm being honest I still always feel awkward around my family when we are opening gifts. I don't feel like I deserve any since I haven't really given anything in years. Nobody holds up a gift and says "hey look what Jason got me!" so it always feels weird. I know they understand my situation but it doesn't help with how I feel when nobody is opening anything from me.
The good news is that I'm spending time with family rather than alone like I was kind expecting. We weren't supposed to be doing anything for Christmas this year because everyone got together on Thanksgiving. My sister and them alternate holidays they spend with our family and with the family of their significant others. But apparently they are going to find time for us so we'll be leaving to go to Lubbock tomorrow somewhere between 10 and 12. It's a 5 hour drive though so thank God I have 4 Rolling Stones magazines and my Ipod I can bring with me. I'm mostly happy I get to see my nieces. Kambri finally feels comfortable around me and Kourtney knows me as Uncle Jason without having to be told who I am (of course she's known me as that for a while). I just haven't spent much time with my nieces so any chance I get to spend with them I'm going to take advantage of. I enjoy being an uncle but I kinda look forward to being a father one day.
I've yet to see a Christmas tree, many Christmas lights, or any presents. But that all changes tomorrow and I'm kinda looking forward to it. Even if I only get in the spirit for one day rather than an entire month like most people do I will still be happy. This year, I don't care whether I do or don't get anything from anyone. This year isn't about getting or giving gifts it's just about taking advantage of the time I have to spend with family. People say 30 isn't old but it's definitely got me thinking about how fast time flies and how little time I may have left to spend with all of my family. Turning 30 might have been the greatest thing to ever happen to me because it changed my entire mindset and life. I'm more family oriented now. I am taking advantage of every opportunity to succeed in life that I can find. I'm no longer wasting my life doing nothing. So even though I have no gifts to bring I'm bringing my family a new me...a new Jason. I will finally be someone they are proud of and I will live up to the potential I know I have so that my family can stop worrying about me. That's my gift to them....you don't have to worry about me anymore! I'm doing great! But I love my family just because they care. So Merry Christmas everyone! Don't forget to watch A Christmas Story at least once before the marathon is over!
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